I hit 1000 days sober a few days ago. I never gave much thought of hitting that milestone - or any other - when I first got sober. #ODAAT I simply knew (and still know) that if I take another drink, I will drink the rest of my likely short remaining life. It's really that simple.
As I travel this journey of sobriety, I am on constant watch for things that would trip me up, aka triggers or cravings. We sometimes use those terms interchangeably in sobriety, but I am learning they are quite different.
To me, a trigger is an emotional event. A trigger is any event that leads to an emotion that I want to anesthetize in order to cope. One could drink based upon a trigger even if they don't really want the drink. A trigger for me is also persistent, and difficult to ignore.
I associate a craving with more positive events. If I want a drink at a social gathering, or to celebrate the end of a workday, that for me is likely a craving. I simply think "a drink would hit the spot right now!". Cravings are also set in motion by my past habits. The end of a workday, an empty stomach, or simply driving by a liquor or convenience store can set off a craving. A craving will most often subside in a matter of moments if I simply don't act on it.
In early sobriety, I was tempted almost around the clock by cravings, and as I have maintained my sobriety, my larger issue is with triggers. Amongst the most difficult triggers for me to navigate are those associated with the notion I have failed someone, most notably in the workplace. I believe I am an easygoing person and I handle most issues smoothly and promptly. But I have to admit, there are occasions where I simply feel I dropped the ball and could have done better. This evokes a strong emotion that I cannot help but want to anesthetize and drink away.
On these occasions is where my study and and acceptance of cognitive behavioral therapy and the identification of toxic thought patterns has helped immensely. My two biggest toxic thought patterns during my drinking days were ruminating and catastrophizing (often at the same time). Those toxic thoughts are held largely at bay in my sobriety, but rush like a raging waterfall in certain circumstances. I must rely on what I learned to recognize what is happening.
Oddly enough, a great coping mechanism for these events is further learning - to fully understand and learn from my mistake or oversight, and how I can best communicate what happened. In other words, take the matter head on, as opposed to lamenting that it happened or wishing it would disappear.
"No thanks, I'm not drinking tonight...", it's a line I have used in sobriety on a number of occasions. It's my first line of defense in responding to what we all have to deal with in recovery. "Surely you want to have a drink right? Why wouldn't you??".
I was never NOT shocked during my drinking days when someone would abstain or cut off their drinking after maybe one drink. It seemed inhuman, and certainly felt unnecessary. So now, to be that guy that occasionally goes into a setting where a drink is available even encouraged, and NOT accept a drink... really it is a surreal feeling to be that guy!
There is frequently discussion in AA meetings and other recovery settings around how to handle such situations. It's obviously a huge pitfall of sobriety to be around your drug of choice. And its further complicated with alcohol recovery in that its use is so widely accepted. We are bombarded daily by advertising telling us to drink their brand, showing people enjoying friends and family doing ...
I actually feel guilty when people ask me how I'm doing. In a world where there is a large segment of the population that believes the world is evil, broken, is about to end, or wish that it WOULD end... I am enjoying life far more than at any other time in my lifetime. I've overcome addictions and daily alcohol abuse that had me retching, shaking and drinking at 4am every day. I drank lethal doses of alcohol daily. I took my life to the edge of the cliff and bounced off of it. So I'll see your existential threats to humanity (climate, viruses, or whatever those may be) and raise you a huge IDGAF. Life is fragile and fretting over our existence isn't going to change that.
Okay, it's not that I really don't care. But I do believe the egotistic nature of mankind is what is really at work here. Humankind is intellectually curious, ambitious, somewhat greedy. We have become conditioned to always want more and more, leading to expecting more, eventually to DEMANDING more ("OK, Karen" ). While certain ...
How often does this happen to you - when you hear a line of discussion in an AA meeting and you wish you were recording or writing things down. It's like you're receiving words of wisdom from a well written book. I had just such an experience this past weekend, and I will try to share it with you.
The topic was "how do you move forward with your sobriety in times of turmoil".
The first gentleman that spoke on the topic shared that his biggest source of turmoil in his life has always been himself - his conflict with others, his anger, his abrasive reactions to others in his life. While others may do us wrong, the one constant in our interactions and problems we have with other people - and the only one which we can hope to control - is ourselves.
This guy spoke of a another man that had come to do work at his house shortly after he had gotten sober. The man was disheveled, reeking of alcohol and smoke from the previous night or perhaps hours before. Upon realizing the state of his worker, ...
