Before I start I will reiterate I am not a medical professional, therapist or counselor. This post reflects only my opinion. I am also not speaking to extreme mental health and behavioral issues.
I was asked by a 12-step newcomer this week the age old question... "is alcoholism a disease or a choice"?
I presume the root of this question is whether we are at fault for our addiction, or is it destiny, inevitable. Could we simply have been more careful, been more disciplined, made better choices? Is it something that develops, or something we are born with? Is it genetic? Why can't we just stop if we know it's hurting us and those around us?
My thoughts on the topic, none of which necessarily answers the question but may give insight from someone who has endured and reflected upon his own issues...
1. I believe virtually everything about us is genetic. I believe this more strongly having had kids. Besides the obvious trait of appearance, there are so many things I see in my kids that I recognize in myself. And watching them grow up, I am reminded of behaviors and habits that I would likely never have recalled.
2. I believe I have exhibited both depression and mental obsessions throughout my life. I sometimes feel bad and empty, and I crave to fill that void. I found productive distractions in my early teens, like sports and weightlifting for example, that helped. So how does a quiet, seemingly intelligent young man grow into an alcoholic? For me, alcohol served as the ultimate disruptor to toxic thought patterns in my brain. It wasn't so much the weakness of being drunk that drew me in, it was the affinity I had to escape from the way my brain operated when I was sober.
3. I believe I was born with a disposition to be quiet, stoic, and insecure, and that disposition was enhanced by being born into a family situation in which I was the youngest of four kids with a temperamental, dominant father. Particularly as I entered my early teens, I did not like being at home, and craved escape... from my situation, and from being me. I discovered during my 12-step journey that insecurity is one of the pillars of my alcoholism, along with insecurity’s favorite companions - jealousy and bitterness.
4. I believe it is significant that different people react to alcohol in quite different ways. Some have little taste for it or its effect. Some can have a drink or two and be satisfied. And in the case of an alcoholic, we have a taste for it, and one drink is nowhere near enough. It is easier to abstain completely, which many alcoholics do even during their period of abuse, than it is to ingest a small amount of alcohol and simply stop for the day. Occasionally when I tell someone I am an alcoholic they will say something to the effect of "I can understand why that can happen, I have to be careful myself...", I guess in a well intentioned attempt to convey empathy. I accept this graciously, but it's really not the same. If you CAN be careful, then you are likely not an alcoholic, you just like alcohol.
5. The introduction of even a low dosage of SSRI/serotonin medication during my treatment produced noticeable and almost immediate results in my mood and outlook. This would indicate the resolution of a chemical shortage or imbalance in my body that was greatly helped by medication.
The circumstances of my life were difficult at times but were never terrible. I was not orphaned, physically abused, I didn’t go hungry or feel unsafe. Nevertheless, my insecurity and fear developed. It's interesting what the impact might have been had I been born as an only child to my same parents. I believe my father struggled greatly with the stress of properly raising four kids, he desperately wanted us to have opportunities he didn't have and to avoid mistakes he made. His controlling nature was well intentioned and in his mind was necessary and helpful.
Every single day as human beings, we wake up and make certain decisions that affect whether we have a generally good and productive day, or a bad, negative day. Our mindset as we awaken greatly affects our entire day. Most recovery programs focus on a daily morning routine that enhance our chances for a positive day. Poor early-day decision making can have a variety of negative impacts. For those in addiction and alcoholism, we crave to generate the balance and positivity we need to endure the day and fill the void our addictive mindset puts us into.
I myself am not convinced I can answer the root question. But I certainly must try to understand why I endured a great deal of pain order to maintain my alcoholic approach to life. And also why I resisted the logical notion that I should, any given day, not take a drink and not take another drink.
"No thanks, I'm not drinking tonight...", it's a line I have used in sobriety on a number of occasions. It's my first line of defense in responding to what we all have to deal with in recovery. "Surely you want to have a drink right? Why wouldn't you??".
I was never NOT shocked during my drinking days when someone would abstain or cut off their drinking after maybe one drink. It seemed inhuman, and certainly felt unnecessary. So now, to be that guy that occasionally goes into a setting where a drink is available even encouraged, and NOT accept a drink... really it is a surreal feeling to be that guy!
There is frequently discussion in AA meetings and other recovery settings around how to handle such situations. It's obviously a huge pitfall of sobriety to be around your drug of choice. And its further complicated with alcohol recovery in that its use is so widely accepted. We are bombarded daily by advertising telling us to drink their brand, showing people enjoying friends and family doing ...
I actually feel guilty when people ask me how I'm doing. In a world where there is a large segment of the population that believes the world is evil, broken, is about to end, or wish that it WOULD end... I am enjoying life far more than at any other time in my lifetime. I've overcome addictions and daily alcohol abuse that had me retching, shaking and drinking at 4am every day. I drank lethal doses of alcohol daily. I took my life to the edge of the cliff and bounced off of it. So I'll see your existential threats to humanity (climate, viruses, or whatever those may be) and raise you a huge IDGAF. Life is fragile and fretting over our existence isn't going to change that.
Okay, it's not that I really don't care. But I do believe the egotistic nature of mankind is what is really at work here. Humankind is intellectually curious, ambitious, somewhat greedy. We have become conditioned to always want more and more, leading to expecting more, eventually to DEMANDING more ("OK, Karen" ). While certain ...
How often does this happen to you - when you hear a line of discussion in an AA meeting and you wish you were recording or writing things down. It's like you're receiving words of wisdom from a well written book. I had just such an experience this past weekend, and I will try to share it with you.
The topic was "how do you move forward with your sobriety in times of turmoil".
The first gentleman that spoke on the topic shared that his biggest source of turmoil in his life has always been himself - his conflict with others, his anger, his abrasive reactions to others in his life. While others may do us wrong, the one constant in our interactions and problems we have with other people - and the only one which we can hope to control - is ourselves.
This guy spoke of a another man that had come to do work at his house shortly after he had gotten sober. The man was disheveled, reeking of alcohol and smoke from the previous night or perhaps hours before. Upon realizing the state of his worker, ...
