A common theme in addiction, and particularly with alcoholism, is that we were brought up in a moral, church-going family. Even as we abused drugs and alcohol we often maintained an image and lifestyle that involved the church. But... we had only a shallow relationship with God or a higher power. At the core of the twelve-step program is a spiritual relationship with a power greater than yourself. This presented a barrier to the miracle of recovery to me and many others. I didn't think I could accomplish this, and if the program depended upon this, then I didn't even want to try. Quite frankly, there are many things about traditional church that turn me off, and still do to this day.
Here is what I learned in my early recovery. These are not facts they are my opinion. But these lessons allowed me to develop a spiritual relationship with a power greater than myself, and are the foundation of my alcohol recovery.
1. You don't have to "drop to your knees" to pray. Even many AA members talk of this as a daily practice. It's not how I pray. My relationship with God is more flexible. I sometimes feel God reaches me when I'm jogging, or walking the dog. Sometimes I just sit quietly, and reflect, and ask for calmness or guidance.
2. You don't have to become a disciple of the church, spreading the gospel. You can simply nurture your relationship with God and you can share it as you see fit. You don't have to morph yourself to the model provided by the church.
3. To me, this isn’t about turning minutia over to God. Some people try to put it that way. “God, take the wheel”, or “It doesn’t matter what I do or what I think, because God is in control”. Personally, I do not believe that God is interested or even able to micro-manage my day to day activities and actions. If I let go of a car steering wheel, God can’t or won’t necessarily protect me from the results of that action. What I can do is trust my path in life, recognize that things happen for a reason, that people enter or leave my life and events occur often for a reason. That trusting my overall mindset to God on a daily basis will allow me to behave in a serene, self-sufficient manner that will allow me to be at best happy and self-fulfilled, and at worst, at least sane.
4. I believe it IS about having a genuine connection with God and developing an understanding of what you can control, and what you cannot.
5. I believe strongly that if I listen for it and am receptive, I will receive guidance and messages from God, that He lays out and guides a path for me.
6. I believe my relationship with God is MY relationship with my higher power. It doesn't have to match what a church or a preacher says it should be. It doesn't have to align with how anyone else describes their relationship with God.
7. In prayer, I don’t try to morph into an ordained minister. I don’t need channel the language of an 18th century orator to address my higher power. Be yourself. Talk to God as you.
8. I don’t have to be in church, at a table surrounded by family for a meal, or on my knees in solitude, to pray and to talk to God. I certainly don’t need to be doing any of these activities to HEAR God talking to me. I am convinced God talks to me when I am jogging, outdoors and alone. Not necessarily when I’m at church, at the gym, or doing yoga… but rather when I am alone, with my thoughts, in nature, doing something that is relaxing and healthy… this is most frequently when I hear God’s messages for me. I have not been successful in placing myself into a meditative state to talk to and listen to God. Solitude in nature or exercise is the only way that has worked consistently for me thus far.
9. My relationship with God is not dependent upon good behavior, perfection, morality. We are all sinners, and God forgives us. However, I have a more positive and growing relationship with God if I am following His will and contributing in a positive way to the lives of others, rather than taking from others or harming others. Intentions matter more than execution.
I am still learning and growing.
"No thanks, I'm not drinking tonight...", it's a line I have used in sobriety on a number of occasions. It's my first line of defense in responding to what we all have to deal with in recovery. "Surely you want to have a drink right? Why wouldn't you??".
I was never NOT shocked during my drinking days when someone would abstain or cut off their drinking after maybe one drink. It seemed inhuman, and certainly felt unnecessary. So now, to be that guy that occasionally goes into a setting where a drink is available even encouraged, and NOT accept a drink... really it is a surreal feeling to be that guy!
There is frequently discussion in AA meetings and other recovery settings around how to handle such situations. It's obviously a huge pitfall of sobriety to be around your drug of choice. And its further complicated with alcohol recovery in that its use is so widely accepted. We are bombarded daily by advertising telling us to drink their brand, showing people enjoying friends and family doing ...
I actually feel guilty when people ask me how I'm doing. In a world where there is a large segment of the population that believes the world is evil, broken, is about to end, or wish that it WOULD end... I am enjoying life far more than at any other time in my lifetime. I've overcome addictions and daily alcohol abuse that had me retching, shaking and drinking at 4am every day. I drank lethal doses of alcohol daily. I took my life to the edge of the cliff and bounced off of it. So I'll see your existential threats to humanity (climate, viruses, or whatever those may be) and raise you a huge IDGAF. Life is fragile and fretting over our existence isn't going to change that.
Okay, it's not that I really don't care. But I do believe the egotistic nature of mankind is what is really at work here. Humankind is intellectually curious, ambitious, somewhat greedy. We have become conditioned to always want more and more, leading to expecting more, eventually to DEMANDING more ("OK, Karen" ). While certain ...
How often does this happen to you - when you hear a line of discussion in an AA meeting and you wish you were recording or writing things down. It's like you're receiving words of wisdom from a well written book. I had just such an experience this past weekend, and I will try to share it with you.
The topic was "how do you move forward with your sobriety in times of turmoil".
The first gentleman that spoke on the topic shared that his biggest source of turmoil in his life has always been himself - his conflict with others, his anger, his abrasive reactions to others in his life. While others may do us wrong, the one constant in our interactions and problems we have with other people - and the only one which we can hope to control - is ourselves.
This guy spoke of a another man that had come to do work at his house shortly after he had gotten sober. The man was disheveled, reeking of alcohol and smoke from the previous night or perhaps hours before. Upon realizing the state of his worker, ...
